spin around this garden of hope ;
Friday, January 19, 2007 @ 4:46 AM
mm..im pretty much void of feelings presently. just last night, i was telling myself that when all ends, i'll be shouting for joy and having a huge sense of relief. but nope, i dun feel a thing at all. except for some form of emptiness within me..
honestly, im still in self denial that i'll even get a passing grade for the supervision of my 2nd lesson plan. cos i know for a fact that it's worth a failure. im not trying to be pessimistic here, just speaking the truth. what i conducted wasnt even a lesson, but probably the children's free-play time with complete disregard of the presence of a teacher.
let me give you a mental picture of the scenerio: imagine- the children screaming at the top of their voices, opening up every box of manipulatives and having them thrown all over the floor, climbing/hanging on the window grills, rolling on the floor, crumpling the carpet and running all over the classroom snatching each other's toys...
who in the right state of mind will pass such a helpless teacher? sigh. nobody will understand, and that's also the reason why i was so reluctant to tell any of my friends that i passed. i know they'll feel happy for me..but it isnt quite the truth.
i know everyone faces problems during implementation of their lessons, but mine is completely terrible right from the beginning through to the end.
do you know how it feels like to experience a failure just for once and forever, you'll discouraged and bear an emotional stigma.. :'(
nonetheless, i appreciate every single darling friend who encouraged me, spurred me on and telling me that i CAN actually do it. esp karryn who called me last night. ahh. so touched can. i cried after putting down the phone..
mm..thanks to all my lovely friends..though i feel that ive let you down. :P
