spin around this garden of hope ;
Monday, June 19, 2006 @ 9:14 PM
hmm. not sure wat i should say. or rather..how i should put my messed-up thoughts in words. sigh. im so so sad once againn.
apparently, i screwed up my life. i made the wrong decisions, i said the wrong things, i did things unintentionly. i made myself upset, i made my parents upset, and most importantly, i made God disappointed in me. oh sigh. the best word to describe myself would be- hypocrite. somehow.
thankfully, God created beautiful things which could give us temporal pleasure & comfort during these dark moments in life. i bought a coloured wheel recently. its so beautiful when it spins in the air. (but excessive playing will cause dizziness)
anyways. back to wat i intended to say.. i guess we are about to end. im so doubtful that he will ever forgive me again. sigh.
perhaps there comes a time when every beautiful thing has to end. why is it so hard to hold on to the thing which we treasure most. maybe its complacency that causes people to drift. and..the inability to adapt to changes. the inability to change oneslf.
there comes a time when you doubt so many things. conjuring up images which may not actually happen in reality. thinking of the worst and placing the relationship on a sinking ship.
sometimes, its so hard to talk to him cos sometimes he dun seem to get wat im trying to say. i admit i dont quite trust him, despite how sweet he can be sometimes.
amazing how a particular personality trait that attracts you to the person is the one that creates problems in the relationship. oh sigh.
its losing something that throws you into confusion.. rockbottom
